Keith’s Beef Quiche 5-6 Kay FC
Like Keith’s famous pork sausage, the history of KBQFC is short yet proud, and this game against Kay FC was set to be the biggest day thus far for the crusty crusaders. In the lead up to the game there was an air of confidence emerging from the Quiche camp surrounding the very real possibility of finally clinching that elusive first win.
These hopes were dealt a cruel blow just hours before kick-off as human force-field Theo Jefferson Brown and young posterboy John James Trenholme pulled out of the first team squad, the latter citing a mystery back problem.
Rumours have surfaced suggesting the issue may be as a result of off-field matters affecting the young star once again, as he was pictured entering a Leeds hotel in the early hours. The club have released the following statement: “These allegations have been taken very seriously and the matter has been dealt with internally. We do however hope that John James can get back on the pitch as soon as possible, in order to utilise the extra penetration that he has been providing of late.” Suggestions that the KBQ badboy has tested positive for the potent calf steroid, grandvachedralone have proved wide of the mark.
Trenholme snapped by photographers in Leeds
As the only football club in Britain with a stronger reserves than the first team, optimism was soon renewed. The ever-impressive Craig Kaye and the chiseled Charles Davy came into the fold, as KBQ megastar and all-round big deal, David Foster, slotted in between the sticks.
The game started in lively fashion with Craig Kaye dancing past a couple of would-be tacklers and burying the ball emphatically past the flapping Kay FC keeper. After a few seconds of bewilderment the KBQ faithful went ballistic seizing the rare chance to celebrate being ahead in a match and started to call on the referee to blow the final whistle.
This only seemed to ruffle the feathers of the Chicken Men who responded immediately through a tasty dipper that goalkeeper Foster failed to gobble up. Now in the ascendency, it wasn’t long before Kay FC took the lead. After some more crisp build-up play, portly striker, Buddeh #2, twisted and turned before unleashing an unstoppable zinger into the back of the net. As the pressure mounted KBQ seemed unable to keep hold of the ball and Kay FC, always strong on the wings, switched the ball wide before seasoned veteran, Buddeh #4, battered it into the top corner.
With KBQ hardnut James Kendall rallying the troops and goalkeeper Foster keeping his team in the game through the width of his face, the mellow yellows forced their way back into the game. First through an assured finish from striker Kaye, and then through a quick turn and shot, fired left-footed into the bottom corner from Davy.
James Kendall- available after escaping disciplinary procedures following a serious altercation in a fixture last week
The men in yellow then looked certain to take the lead as the ball was left on a plate for the mercurial Ben Wood to slot home. Unfortunately, Wood, who mistook a sound in the crowd for the bell in the ball, that he was accustomed to before his transfer from visually impaired team, the Blind Side, powerfully struck the air and failed to regain his balance.
With their lead receding faster than Buddeh #4’s hairline, Kay FC’s cage had been rattled and the captain began to tear a strip off his team. This proved just the motivation they needed as they responded with a swift double salvo to take a 5-3 lead.
James Simpson, whose admirable defensive displays in recent weeks have led to comparisons to a young Gael Quichey, was forced to push on higher up the field in search of a goal. He soon found the space he needed and drilled home to reduce the deficit to one goal.
KBQ fans emotionally depict Keith watching on
The game became frantic and as Keith’s darlings pushed on heroically for an equaliser they were becoming increasingly exposed at the back, only for Foster to keep the opposition strikers at bay with a string of eggsalent saves. This wasn’t to last however, as just as Trenholme has become increasingly proficient at taking advantage of exposed holes in recent weeks, so too have Kay FC, picking apart the defence to fire home and restore a two goal cushion.
Not to be deterred, plucky KBQ fought on and dominated the closing stages as they cooped up Kay FC in their own half. They were desperately unlucky not to score, most notably from Paul Foster and Charlie Davy who narrowly missed a host of chances.
There was controversy in the final stages as a robust challenge from Kaye resulted in the ball rolling free to Foster who was on hand to coolly slot it home, only for the goal to be disallowed. There was uproar on the terraces and suggestions of fowl play from the Quiche staff on the touchline but the decision stood and Kay FC held out for a hard-fought victory.
Quiche of the Match: David Foster and Craig Kaye
Scorers: Craig Kaye (2) Charlie Davy (2) James Simpson (1)
Dick of the Day: James Trenholme
passmethequiche 